12th May 1996

The loudest fart I've ever made was recorded on August 27th, 1993.

The volcanic eruption of my arsed seemed to be louder than Krakatoa and seemed to bounce across the room at lightening speed!!

Bigging up all the 'Free' festivals in Hyper eh? All it needs is for you to make it happen - And make someone else a nice tidy sum!

Never mind, I'm sure all these free festivals will be enjoyed and well attended by enviromentally friendly new age travllers in their 30 year old Bedford smog mobiles, driving all over mother earth's basic child (GRASS) and then pissing off home leaving their mess and their 'Half Strangled on a piece of rope' dogs mess as well.

Anyway at least D.J. Food are at the essential festival; Thats one thing for your �19 A day!

I saw them at the Concorde the other night & they were quite good & comical too! Of course when they dropped some mad 60's pschedelic track about a mechanical man having cups of tea & stuff the usaul looks of disgust from the Brighton Shittaratti started and off they trotted to wank over their I.D. magazines in the bogs - Oh well, some people just haven't got a sense of humour!!

Have you seen that cable t.v. advert with Dawn French? I know where I'd stick that cable...

I witnessed that oracle of wisdom the Perv at the Zap with a nice pair of wings on his back, he'll do anything to get into a girl's pants, even pretend to be an always ultra!

Don't you just love all those slammin vinyl / Technics etc, Jackets? Its so funny seeing all those wearing siad attire trying to look like they're hard/cool when we all know they've got them from the Racehill bank holiday market! (or even funnier when they've bought them full price from a record shop!) Along with those Karl Kani raver jeans that you always see Biggie Smalls wearing, Honest!

Not to worry though, you don't see'em in the week 'cos they're all in their school uniforms!

The best one I've seen yet really has got to be 'Kenwood fashions',HA!HA! - Moulinex Haute Couture!

Oh well, I'M off now on my Anti-road-non-road-roadshow thing where I'm gonna drive over all the country side, through lovely bushes, running down anything in my way!

Also, I saw that Brighton Festival F.M. is being listed in the Argus along with coastway Hopsital Radio(!) - Not much difference really, they are both enjoyed by sick people! As well as that G. Spot are doing a gay show on the station (as they did on the real Festival radio a few years ago). I wonder if they know that at a recent radio meeting the majority of the new wave broadcasting team were apparently heard being ever so slightly homophobic? (BASTARDS) and what about the Dance Zone section of 'Festering F.M.?' (I can't see much Hip - Hop!) Jackie B's first south coast radio appearance? I think not. I remember her weekly shows on a pirate radio station shut down a year or so ago with all fingers pointing positively at a Mr.D.Cunningham, head of new wave broadcasting and organisor of such radical stations as Brighton Festival F.M., Adur Festival F.M., and the fabulous Christmas F.M.! Easy listening at its...erm...Best(?)

Well before I forget (HA!HA!) Big up cBuzz and Happy birthday, see you at the Cybar!

David Crackers